New experiences for me are always a ball of emotions. Regardless of how big or small, each novel interaction brings with it a sense of failure which has a 50/50 chance of either motivating me to push through the emotion or just stop and drop. Calling strangers on the phone is one of those things that I hate. I absolutely loathe making conversations with strangers on the phone. In fact, one of the only times that I have impeded work on a project is when I had to call vendors for a quote and interact with journalists I didn’t know. I do know why this happens but I want to hold on to that story for another post (hint: it stars me getting scammed in the US).
With new relationships or people I seem to vibe on dating apps (painfully rare times), there is a surge of butterflies— of how this is going, will it go anywhere, are they interested, am I interested? With new friends, the emotion is closer to uncertainty— how this is going, will it go anywhere, do they really want to hang out with me or did they just have no one else? The last one being the reason why its less like butterflies where there is still a mutual understanding of a somewhat interest (or to be more realistic, intrigue). And lastly, anxiety with things like ordering Ubers in a city where I have no idea of the routes, driving a car on the other side of the road (legally), signing cheques and documents with a consistent signature, the list goes on.
While most new events in my life have one of these three emerging emotions, two recent events have seen a surge of all three emotions— the first being a new job in coming up in three weeks and our three month old pup, Besan being the other.
As I finish the last few days of my role at my current company and move into a startup (more on this and the job hunting process soon!) all three emotions, butterflies, uncertainty, and anxiety are slowly manifesting their way in. Anxiety is cropping up because I am yet not sure how I will contribute to the new company (if at all), the butterflies are because I will now spend another week explaining who I am to strangers, what I have done, and how a degree in biology led to me working in communications. Lastly, the uncertainty comes from the idea of failure, both mine and the organization’s as we try to break into a concentrated, competitive market with very low margins of profit.
It’s been 6 weeks since Besan, our 3 month old Rottweiler puppy has come home and his arrival has had the same barrage of emotions. Butterflies to learn about our new member and see him grow up slowly through the weeks; anxiety that stems from making sure we are doing the right things at time that is so crucial to his learning; and uncertainty of not knowing if he will be a well behaved, happy, social, and healthy doggo. He is clearly mom’s dog because she takes the most care of him but I feel the parental pressure. I guess as long as he stays as cute as he is right now, nothing wrong can really happen to him. We truly are blessed aah.
Baking this pie has had a similar trend because it was the first time I made my own from scratch. I even decided to make a double crust pie with no blind baking. This meant that I would have to literally stick a giant uncooked vat of butter, flour, and fruit into the oven for 80 minutes and just hope it’d be good. Emotions here came in stages: anxiety lead the pack and was a running theme throughout the baking process, uncertainty as I stuck the pie into the oven (oh, the anxiety hadn’t stopped by then), and then butterflies as we waited for four hours as it cooled and was ready to be cut.
At the end of the day, new things yield new experiences. No matter how I respond to them, I am glad I choose to take on these events. I always come out learning something new.
Besan to Date
For the crust:
1 1/4 cups of all purpose flour
300 grams of unsalted butter, cold and cubed
2 to 4 tablespoons of ice cold water
1/4 teaspoon of salt
2 teaspoons of sugar
For the Filling
1¼ cups granulated sugar
¼ cup cornstarch
1 tablespoon finely grated lime zest
1 tablespoon finely grated peeled ginger
1/2 teaspoon of table salt
350 grams pounds frozen blueberries
150 grams of granny smith apples peeled, pitted, and sliced
¼ cup fresh lime juice
2 tablespoons crystalline sugar
Egg wash and crust topping:
1 large egg (or 2 medium sized eggs)
1 tablespoon of double cream
In a large bowl slowly work the flour butter with your hands. Use a bench scraper if possible to prevent the butter from melting. Add ice cold water and form a rough ball of dough. Don’t try work the dough too much like you would for pasta or pizza.
Flatten into a disk, cut into two, and wrap in separate plastic wraps. Chill overnight (2 hours at least)
Heat the oven to 170 degrees Celsius (~350 degrees Fahrenheit). Roll the dough out to a 9-inch (23 cm) round dough which is about 1/2 inch thick. Place one in side a pie tin and press down. Place this in the freezer as you work on the next dough
Add sugar and cornstarch and mix well
Add the lime and ginger zest and massage it into the sugar mixture to release the oils
Add the lemon juice and fruit. Mix well
Remove the pie tin with dough from the freezer. Add the fruit, place the top dough cover and cut the excess dough (top dough should be smaller than the bottom).
Use the mix of egg and cream as a glue to stick the two doughs together. Crimp by pressing down a fork on all sides. Make three longitudinal slits on the top as steam vents.